


Orange Juice & Honesty

by MotherOfSnakes



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, British Comedy, Comedy, Declarations Of Love, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Humour, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Male Slash, Mutual Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 08:57:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11249841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherOfSnakes/pseuds/MotherOfSnakes
Summary: Everyone knows Howard and Vince are in love, except for Howard and Vince. Naboo concocts a plan to get them to admit their feelings for each other.





	Orange Juice & Honesty

 Naboo and Bollo stood on the stairs, watching Howard and Vince close up the shop for the evening. They moved around each other comfortably, each knowing where the other was going to be and what he was going to be doing from long practice. They chattered away to one another, bickering good-naturedly as they always did, but the shaman and the gorilla could see past the easy banter to the tension beneath.

 When Vince accidentally, or not so accidentally, brushed against Howard as they worked, Howard would leap away and snap: "Don't touch me!" Vince would back off, and Howard, turning away, would miss the look of hurt and regret in his eyes, just as Vince would miss the pain and longing in his own. Vince couldn't see that Howard _wanted_ to be touched, he just couldn't stand Vince's hands on him when it didn't mean anything to him. And Howard couldn't see that it _did_ mean something to Vince, that he touched Howard casually because he wanted so desperately to touch him intimately. Their love for each other was blatantly obvious to everyone but themselves.

 "I hate seeing them like this, Bollo," Naboo confided to his familiar. "Why can't they see how much they want each other?"

 "Maybe it time you helped them see, Naboo," suggested Bollo. "Use some shaman magic."

 "You know, Bollo, I think you're right," said Naboo. "They're never going to be happy until they realise how they feel about each other, and they're clearly never going to do that without help. It _is_ high time they stopped this ridiculous charade. Yes, I'm going to do it."

***

 The next morning, Howard was already dressed and eating breakfast when Vince slouched out of his bedroom in a silver robe. He pulled a face as he looked over Howard's shoulder at what his friend was eating. "Why are you eating sawdust, Howard?"

 "It's muesli, you berk," muttered Howard.

 "Ugh," said Vince primly, tipping his own favoured breakfast into a bowl – cereal coated in sugar and mixed with little marshmallows in the shape of moons and stars.

 "At least this is real food," said Howard, eyeing Vince's breakfast with distaste as he placed it on the table opposite him.

 "Yeah, yeah." Vince went to the fridge for milk. A large jug of orange juice on the middle shelf caught his eye. It bore a label that said in large green letters: PROPERTY OF NABOO. DO NOT DRINK! "Want some orange juice, Howard?" Vince asked, idly picking off the label and flicking it into the bin.

 "Yeah, please."

 Vince poured two glasses and brought them to the table. They ate and drank and made fun of each other until Naboo wandered into the kitchen some time later.

 "Morning," he said cheerfully. Then his gaze settled on the half-empty jug of orange juice, which Vince had left on the sideboard. "Has someone been drinking my love potion?" he asked.

 "Your _what_?" cried Howard and Vince in unison, staring in horror at their empty glasses.

 "Love potion," Naboo repeated. "You drank it, didn't you, you pair of idiots?"

 "Sorry, Naboo, I thought it was orange juice!" wailed Vince.

 "I did put a label on it," Naboo pointed out.

 "I didn't see any label," Vince lied transparently. "It must have fallen off."

 "And just sort of crawled into the bin by itself, yeah?" said Naboo, looking into the bin at the label sitting on top of the other rubbish.

 "Look, Naboo, there's no point blaming anybody now," said Howard, trying to be reasonable. "It was an accident, alright? Um ... what exactly does this stuff do?"

 "It's designed to make people reveal their true feelings," Naboo explained, trying not to smile at the look of alarm on his friends' faces at these words. "Once you've drunk it, you must tell your true love how you feel within three days, or your tongue will drop off."

 "What kind of love potion is that?" squeaked Vince.

 "It's for cowards who can't bring themselves to tell the object of their desire how they feel," said Naboo, placing emphasis on the word 'cowards'. "This gives them no option but to do it."

 "But how are we supposed to find our true loves in three days?" demanded Howard, glancing quickly at Vince and then away.

 "Ah," said Naboo, "you actually don't have three days. You're only supposed to take a sip, you see. With the amount you've drunk, I'd say you've got about an hour."

 "An _hour_?" they both yelled.

 "'Fraid so."

 "Isn't there an antidote, or something?" said Howard hopefully. "You can knock up something to cancel out its effects, can't you, Naboo? Naboolio? Expert shaman like you?"

 "There isn't any antidote," said Naboo, in what Howard felt was an unnecessarily smug fashion. "That would kind of destroy the point, wouldn't it, if you could chicken out once you'd taken it?"

 Bollo ambled into the room, Naboo's magic carpet slung over one shoulder. "You ready, Naboo?" he asked.

 "Yeah," said Naboo. "Let's go."

 "Go?" said Vince, sounding panicked. "You can't go out and leave us like this! You've got to do something!"

 "Nothing I can do, I already told you," said Naboo patiently. "I've got shaman business to attend to. See you later."

 He and Bollo hopped onto the carpet and glided out of the front door, leaving Howard and Vince gawping at each other across the table.

 "Oh, my God," moaned Howard, hiding his head in his hands. "What are we going to do?"

 "Well, we can ... um ... um ... let's just calm down and have a think, yeah?" said Vince. "I'll make some tea."

 "Tea? Vince, our tongues are going to fall off!"

 "Better enjoy a cuppa while we can, then," said Vince flippantly. In truth, he was every bit as terrified as Howard, but the only way he knew how to deal with it was to make jokes.

 Five minutes later, the pair of them slumped on the sofa, sipping hot tea and not talking. They both knew what they had to do, and neither of them had any idea how to start. The fear of rejection and of damaging the unique friendship they shared, fears that had plagued them both for so long, were as strong as ever, but now they were competing with the fear of the consequences if they didn't speak up. They had finished their tea and put the cups aside before either found his voice. It was Howard who broke the silence.

 "I suppose we'd better start looking for our true loves, then," he said heavily, staring at the wall opposite him and making no move to get up. "We could start in town."

 Vince didn't reply for several minutes. Then, in a small voice, he said: "Howard?"

 "Mm?" Howard continued to stare gloomily into space.

 "Remember when we went looking for the Egg of Mantumbi?"

 Howard stiffened. He remembered only too well. That expedition had resulted in one of the most humiliating experiences of his life. Faced with imminent death at the icy hands of the Black Frost, he had finally found the courage to tell Vince how he felt about him. And Vince had laughed.

 "Yes," he said warily. "What about it?"

 "Well, remember when we were tied to that icicle, and the Black Frost was on his way to freeze us to death?"

 "Not something I'm likely to forget, Vince."

 "Well ... um ... do you remember what you said to me?"

 Howard drew a deep breath and closed his eyes against the tears that threatened. "I said a lot of things," he said evasively.

 "You said ... you said you loved me," said Vince quietly.

 Howard let out the breath he'd been holding. "Yes, well, it was a stressful situation, emotions were running high, I thought we were going to die and ..."

 "Howard," Vince cut into the nervous babble. "Be honest with me. Please. I need to know ... did you mean it? Or was it really just the stress of the situation talking?"

 "Honestly?"

 "Honestly."

 Howard knew the time had come. He had to tell Vince the truth. "I meant it," he said between gritted teeth. "And you laughed at me, Vince. You _laughed_."

 The hurt in his voice made Vince's heart ache. He'd longed to hear Howard say those words to him for years, and had scarcely been able to believe it when he had. He'd handled it terribly, he knew that, and had never stopped berating himself for screwing up what might have been the most important moment of his life. Of both their lives.

 "Howard, it wasn't what you thought," he said, seizing Howard's hand impulsively. Howard finally stopped staring at the wall and turned to face him in surprise. "I laughed because ... because I was so happy to hear you say it. And then you thought I was laughing at the idea of it, of us, and you didn't believe me when I said it back ..."

 "Wait," Howard interrupted, "are you saying that _you_ meant it? When you said it back, you weren't just saying it because I did?"

 "No, I meant it. I ... I still do. I don't have to leave this flat to find my true love, Howard. It's you. It's always been you."

 Howard looked down at their joined hands, then up into Vince's face – his eyes wide and totally unguarded, his expression so incredibly sincere. And as if it was the easiest, most natural thing in the world, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Vince's. For an instant Vince didn't move, he was so taken aback. Then he threw his arms around Howard's neck and kissed him back passionately.

 Why had they waited so long to do this? Why had they wasted so much time keeping things to themselves? They should have done this years ago. It seemed so obvious all of a sudden, so simple, so easy, so _right_.

 "I love you, Vince," Howard mumbled into Vince's mouth. "I've wanted to tell you for so long ..."

 "Me too, Howard," Vince replied. "Let's not waste any more time, hm? Even on talking."

 He stood up, dragging Howard with him, and walked towards his bedroom. Howard allowed himself to be led, his heart thumping, his cock so hard he thought it might burst his zip any minute. Once through the door, Vince closed it behind them and then shrugged off his robe. He was naked beneath it, and as hard as Howard. Howard just stood there, staring. Vince reached out and started to unbutton his shirt. He glanced up at Howard and raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to tell me not to touch you, are you?" he asked teasingly.

 "God, no," said Howard emphatically. "Not this time. Not ever again."

 "Good," said Vince, peeling off Howard's shirt and throwing it to the floor. He ran his hands over Howard's chest, thrilled to be able to touch him like this at last. He let his hands wander lower and began unfastening Howard's trousers. "You can touch me, too, if you like," he offered encouragingly.

 Howard gulped. He'd imagined this moment a million times in his fantasies. Now it was actually happening, he had no idea what to do. Tentatively, he reached out and let his fingers brush Vince's pale skin.

 Vince pushed Howard's trousers and underwear down, and Howard stepped out of them. With none of his friend's hesitation, Vince reached for Howard's cock. Howard gasped as Vince's hand began to slide up and down his erection. With his other hand, Vince guided Howard's hands to his own cock. Howard copied Vince's movements, and both let out a moan as they leaned in and kissed.

 Vince broke the kiss and jerked his head in the direction of the bed. Howard nodded, and they walked – awkwardly, since they were still stroking each other's cocks – over to it and lay down side by side. Vince stopped touching Howard long enough to open a bedside drawer and pull out a bottle of lube. Squeezing a generous measure onto his hand, he began slicking it over Howard's cock.

 "Um ... Vince," murmured Howard, "you know I'm ... that is, I haven't ever ..."

 "It's okay, Howard," said Vince, "this is the first time for me too, you know."

 "But you've been with loads of girls," Howard protested.

 "Yeah," said Vince, " _girls_. I've never been with a man before, Howard – I've been waiting for you. You'll be my first."

 "Oh." Howard was surprised, and pleased.

 "So let's stop talking and get on with it, yeah?" said Vince urgently, his voice dripping with desire. "I've been waiting a long time for this, Howard. For you. I don't want to wait any more."

 Howard didn't want to wait any longer either. He rolled Vince onto his back and pushed his legs apart with eager hands. Vince reached down and took hold of his cock, guiding it between his buttocks. Quivering with a mixture of lust and joy and nervous anticipation, Howard pushed into him. His cock slid smoothly into Vince's tight, warm tunnel, and they both cried out with the pleasure that throbbed through them.

 Howard took hold of Vince's hips and started to thrust, slowly at first, but he quickly found a rhythm and sped up, driving himself into Vince hard and fast. He knew he wasn't going to last long, and grabbed Vince's cock with one hand, jerking him off in time to his thrusts, hoping he would be able to bring Vince to climax before he lost it.

 He needn't have worried. Vince had never been so aroused in his life. He'd almost come the instant he felt Howard inside him. It took only a few seconds of Howard's combined thrusting and stroking, and he was spurting over Howard's hand and his own stomach, shouting Howard's name.

 It was too much for Howard, and he too hit his peak, burying himself deep inside Vince as he emptied himself into him, saying his name over and over again while Vince screamed: "Yes! Oh, yes!"

 Spent at last, Howard sank down on top of Vince, staying inside him as they kissed tenderly. They lay there with their arms around each other, basking in the warm glow of their shared ecstasy and revelling in their new-found love, until sleep claimed them.

***

 Naboo and Bollo walked through the front door to see the breakfast things still scattered across the kitchen table, and no sign of Howard or Vince. But Vince's bedroom door was closed.

 "You think plan worked, Naboo?" asked Bollo.

 "It looks like it," said Naboo. He walked over to Vince's bedroom and put his ear to the door. He could hear snoring. Very quietly, he pushed the door open a crack and peeped through. Howard and Vince lay on the bed in a tangle of naked limbs. Smiling, Naboo closed the door and turned to nod at Bollo.

 "You are truly wise, Naboo," said Bollo reverently. "Your magic potion has made two people very happy."

 A broad grin spread across Naboo's face as he picked up his jug and poured a measure of the orange liquid into a glass. "It's just orange juice," he said.


End file.
